The Portland Chinooks Fold: My Heart Breaks

The Portland Chinooks of the IBL won't be playing this season. I'm sad about this, as this year was shaping up to be especially random, even by IBL standards. I fell in love the small-time nuttiness of this league. The games are $5 to get in. They sell cans of pop out of a cooler. They throw lots of alley-oops. They had God Shammgod. They had a former Pac-10 Standout and son of a Blazer great. They had a guy who I used to beat in pickup games when he played small college ball. Some random force in the universe brought them all together to play basketball in mostly highschool gyms and be sponsored by local restaurants. My love for the Chinooks assured me that my obsession over this game had not yet turned the corner to snobbery. Now it could all be gone.

On the flip side, this opens up the Portland market for my IBL team. It costs about $10,000 to start a franchise up, and if the Portland market is open I imagine they'd want a team here. I dream big you see.

The money will come from my favorite local restaurant chain, a 24-hour Mexican joint by the name of Muchas Gracias. In honor of their generous sponsorship I'll name my team after one of my favorite menu items, The Flying Tostadas. If you're a Muchas fan, you may object, claiming that the Oregon Burrito is the signature item and thus deserves top consideration in all team-naming discussions. After careful consideration, I think that the athleticism implied by the word flying is a better fit for a basketball team. And we move on.

Having such sponsorship, it may not maximize revenue to have the team play home games at Portland State University as the Chinooks have done. No parking, the pains of trying to get somewhere downtown, and a disinterested student body sound like a bad way to fill up the stands. Plus the Chinooks folded, so deviating from their strategy is a good idea in general. To avoid the pitfalls of downtown and satisfy my generous sponsor, I suggest we play in the much more Latino-friendly suburb of Hillsboro. No, not Hillsborough. Hillsbo-r-o is densely populated and easily accessible via quite the public transportation system. Mix in a healthy dose of local business and diversity, you got yourself a sustainable franchise.

The Hillsboro Flying Tostadas. You heard it hear first.

And if you feel like I wasted all your time by making you read this, take heart. Its not like there's anything else going on.