Oden is TOO strong, no really

ESPN hit us with an Oden update, the Blazers are a little nervous because he's gained 30 pounds...of muscle. They swear this is a bad thing:

"We don't want him to get bigger. That's going to come,'' Portland coach Nate McMillan said on Friday night. "It's very easy for him to put a lot of weight on having a year off. We've really got to be careful about the weight training with him.''

That about seals it. You can't approach Greg Oden as if he's a human being. He is an extraterrestrial, possibly from the same planet as Shaq. This adds something to the suggested Optimus Prime nickname.

How bad off are the Knicks?

We've heard about the poor condition of the Knicks organization framed in what seems like thousands of perspectives. Here's an ex-Blazer related one from J.A. Adande's column at ESPN today. J.A. runs through the most recent Marbury act, and, after noting Marbury explaining that he was tired after his poor return performance, turns to Zach:

"If anyone had a legitimate excuse to be tired it was Zach Randolph, who had missed the previous two games to be with his family in Indiana after his grandmother passed away on Friday. Randolph scored 16 points on 5-for-18 shooting from the field and pulled down 19 rebounds.

'I wanted to help the guys out, any possible way I can,' Randolph said. 'I know that's what my grandma wanted me to do, is play.'

Those are the stories we love in sport, guys making commitments to their teammates in the most trying of circumstances. It's too bad it had to be overshadowed by the Marbury circus."

Another potential "you know the Knicks are a mess when...." anecdote to add to the heap: Z-Bo is becoming their character guy.

Blazer Player Breakdown: Aldridge, Webster, Green

There's a cool movement in basketball to come up with increasingly better statistics that more accurately capture the contributions of an individual player. This Hollingerization has its staunch critics and its horny groupies, but I think the vast majority of us think its all sorta neat-o.

You may be wondering, how can I help? After all, you're just an obscure reader of an obscure blog. Well, I have that answer for you. I've devised a complex system (I will not bewilder you with the complex details and jargon of it all here) to accurately break a player down into his most basic and crucial components. Support my quantitative breakdowns and, dare I say, go out there and be somebody. You can apply this to your own team, boss, spouse, dog, whatever. I'm not opposed to a healthy debate, so long as it ends in your humiliating defeat and me being carried off on the shoulders of awesome people.

To get the ball "bouncing" (cause its basketball ha!), I humbly present analyses of three current Blazers. The goal is to get the whole team completed, although this is science and you can't rush science. Don't even try.

First up, we have LaMarcus Aldridge:



That length, blossoming defensive prowess, and soft-high release have reminded more than a few of us of Sheed. Of course, LaMarcus doesn't freak out as much at officials or teammates. He also does this thing where he likes working hard to improve his game (Whaaaaat?). And he doesn't become a malcontent when an offense wants him to carry a heavy load.

Next up, we have Mr. Martell Webster:


Yeah, I said it. Oh, and I know that H2O played in Detroit that season. However, I couldn't find a picture of him in a Pistons jersey shooting a basketball. I know, you probably didn't even notice that I had digitally altered the Knicks jersey into a Detroit one, or that I incorporated subtle clues to make you think he was shooting that ball from somewhere in Detroit, maybe even 8-Mile.
Anyways, don't sleep on Martell. He has the shooting touch and athleticism of a young Allan Houston. I was tempted to also subtract "knowing he's as good as Allan Houston" from the equation, but Martell has been full of confidence so far this season. With LaMarcus growing into an All-Star and Oden on the way, Martell is going to be killing teams with his shooting for many years.

Our next and final breakdown today, rookie pointguard Taurean Green:




A few nights ago I was reading something about Taurean Green, when Dia walked by and demanded to know why I was looking at pictures of D.L. Hughley. I explained that the picture in question was in fact Blazer's rookie Taruean Green, that he won back-to-back championships in college (I even did the gator chomp a few times for emphasis), that he was passed over in the draft despite his proven skills and toughness just because he's a little small.

Blank stare.

Well, he does have the same hair as D.L., and he does joke around a lot. Except reportedly, his jokes go over at a more successful rate than D.L.'s have lately. He also has the public support of Nate, who has yet to issue similar positive statements about food or water. All he really needs is more playing time, and with inconsistent backcourt play so far you have to believe thats on the horizon. A tough and defensive undersized pointguard with a shooting touch, I see evidence of a young Blaylock. A Blaylock with jokes.

Blazer fan to public: Kevin Duckworth saved my life

Just push play

You may have already seen this, but my Dad just sent it to me and I was blown away. In the epic, our brave balladeer details an incredible night in which he and Jason were sitting courtside at the coliseum. What happened next would change Dan Reed's life forever. After being done decked and disconnect by a ball flying into the stands, Dan was flung into a Blazer fantasy that was clearly the result of very severe post-concussion syndrome, and brought back to reality only after a subsequent fantasy Kevin Duckworth pass gone awry.

After learning of his brave tale, I had the urge to track down this virtuoso known-mysteriously-only as "Dan Reed."His band has a wikipedia and a myspace, but the man himself remains shrouded in mystery. You know artists. On the upside, he has a new album coming out in 2008, which I am hoping contains the long awaited "Bust a Bucket Remix." Assuming our paths do cross someday, I have the following questions prepared. If you know him, pass these along. They will be in my wallet everyday until this happens.

"What exactly does 'bust a bucket' mean, and when did you know it had entered the elite lexicon of phrases to have swept the nation UNIVERSE?"

"Are you suffering any long-term health effects from when the ball done decked and disconnect you?"

"Were you given any compensation from the Blazers for the trauma you endured that night at the coliseum?"

"Clyde Drexler is noticeably absent from your Blazer Rhymes. Was this attributable to his distaste for the hip hop lifestyle and your alleged objectification of the Blazer Dancers and 80's/early 90's awesomeness?"

How to fix 0-3

Mike Barrett and Casey Holdhal both posted discussions on the Blazers 0-3 start. My take is similar to theirs, the Blazers just lost to three better teams. Still, that zero on the left can make for uneasiness. They should look into fixing that.

The most obvious and glaring Blazer weakness has been at pointguard, where we have yet to see a solid night from anyone. So what to do? Nates apparently going to start Blake and bring Jack off the bench. The non-PG related idea is starting Channing Frye instead of Pryzbilla. I would guess this one could be to prevent the lay-up fest that seems to occur when Aldridge and Pryzbilla are out of the game at the same time. But the Blake start, while not surprising, doesn't seem as easy to justify.

Play-by-Play Mike said Jack told Nate he doesn't mind coming off the bench, which gives us the option of cheering his selflessness and dedication to the team's success or suggesting he lacks the competitive edge needed to be the player we need. Take your pick.

I'm not convinced juggling a group of pointguards that individually have yet to produce consistently is the answer. Perhaps its all Nate can do at the moment. Or maybe its a chance to get noted "Nate Guy" Steve Blake into a larger role.

Jack's confidence has been known to bruise. He even has that worried look in his NBA Profile photo. This seems like an event that could do some damage. What if instead of benching the guy, Nate rallied around his third year pointguard? Let him know that he's a Nate Guy too, and that theres no sense in losing faith after a few bad games?

Don't get me wrong, Jack's play hasn't been up to standards in the very young season. But again, has Steve Blake been good enough to justify this? Can we expect a changed starting lineup with every three game losing streak? It all seems like a little much. This team is still a project, and more patience at this juncture would have a hard time hurting.

Mike Barrett: Referee conspiracy whistle blower

I am a supporter of the Blazers All-Mike TV broadcasting team. They're funny, and they do a pretty good job of describing the action.

That said, as I'm sitting here watching the Blazers get blown out by the Hornets in the second game of the season, Mike Barrett's repeated "Refs hate the Blazers" act is already old. Seriously, I'm not sure I can handle another season of this. Its beginning to overshadow the many things the guy does right.

That said, here's some quick notes on the game:

• Chris Paul had 19 points and 6 assists in less than 26 minutes. He's a great, but Jack and Blake's inability to even stay in the frame with him had me thinking of Taurean Green all night. For the record, "Nate-guy" Green has played less than three minutes this season.
• This was the first time LaMarcus saw an NBA team that had a focus on stopping him in the game plan. He struggled and looked frustrated much of the night. After blowing over and around Duncan and the Spurs in the first game, facing Tyson Chandler may have been a little shocking.

TV can be awesome sometimes

I was flipping through the channels not expecting much, and then I see Darryl Dawkins shooting freethrows. Huh? There's Bill Walton. The Blazers vs. Sixers, 1977 Finals! The one and only Portland Championship, and the game is being shown in all its glory. Now I'm trying to figure out which game of the series I'm watching, so I log on to Comcast Sportsnet Northwest for more info. All I notice is that whoever made the site apparently thinks Sergio Rodriguez is Sergio Garcia. I included a photo of the two below to help them out:

I added arrows to emphasize differences. Mostly, Garcia wears a sweater vest and uses a club while Rodriguez wears a jersey and uses a ball. Garcia also has an unusual mustache, but I thought it'd be rude to point that out. He's a man with feelings, you know?

So anyways, the channel looks pretty cool. I'd love to say more, but Billy Ray Bates just checked in.