Shaq may be getting out-twittered by the Glove

I really thought Twitter was something annoying that I wanted no part of. That all changed when I started reading Shaq's feed. I then realized that Twitter, while annoying and often popular with people I find annoying, can be an outlet for hilarity in the proper hands.

I am proud to announce that there is a new twitterererer in town that may even surpass Shaq in the categories of incoherentness (not a word) and randomness. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Gary Payton:

Drive 2 OAK 2 fly ATL 4 TV. Got tapes 2 study but I bring DVDs 2. Planes never got no movies 4 a black man 2 watch. No horror no Van Peebles

Also:

GPs on twitter! Sweet tweets sez Mel Gibson lol

Still not impressed? Then know that Gary Payton also linked to a song by...Gary Payton. In said Yay Area rap we get some classic lines and insight into the life of 1994 Payton with versus like these:

I be rollin' to the bank with a smile on my face
Hammer sayin "Mr. Payton, have a nice day"
Yeah, and that's real, we all know the deal
And for those who criticize I'm not tryin to beat Shaquille

A song from 1994 that is relevant to 2009? Gary Payton: Visionary.



(Assist SLAM.)

Shaq took the loss at Portland pretty hard

That is, if you believe that a man's twitter is an accurate reflection of his emotions, which I do. I happen to believe that Twitter is unique in it's ability to capture the true essence of the human soul.

(...)

You are aware that Shaq posted a pregame twitter from the Rose City. But unless you have as pathetic a life as me, which leads you to check Diesel's twitter on a daily basis and be thoroughly entertained, you may have missed his other P-town posts. Shaq seemed to take this loss a little harder than usual. It should be noted that he performed admirably both statistically (19 and 9) and in embarrassing hyped young'n Greg Oden (coughcoughcough). Apparently Shaq was more interested in the win after all:

Gave a way anova game, geez im pissed agggggggggh dats a yell 11:05 PM Dec 18th from txt

Its co sold in porltand i catn even tpye srtaight 5:30 PM Dec 18th from txt

Thanks for giving Portland the game, it was much appreciated. Just more evidence of Shaq getting into the holiday spirit. At least now we know why Shaq struggles with coherence at times, ARTIC BLAST '08: COLD TEMPERATURES FOR REALZ!!!!1! The damage of this weather knows no bounds.

Suns at Portland, Pre-pregame

You know the Phoenix Suns must be in town when you get an evening text from a friend saying they are looking at Shaquille O'Neal in a downtown coffee shop, and that he is indeed "very large."

A quick check on Shaq's twitter verified the man's presence:

Its so cold in porland the sun just sent me a text, yo shaq ill c u n may Schwwwwwww

Somehow technology seems to be making Shaq even more random, I didn't think that was possible. But if The Big Genie doesn't like the weather he should challenge it to a duel. I bet Shaq could destroy ARTIC BLAST '08: COLD TEMPERATURES 4 REALZ! in a cage fight. Then maybe the City of Portland would reopen the street I live on. Blah.

It probably doesn't help the Blazers that the man is carrying on about how he could average 27 and 10 this season. You know, if he was into that sort of thing. While it seems like bluster, hopefully Shaq's old joints will still be frozen at tip off. Because while he couldn't put up those numbers against the entire League, it seems he may be able to pull it off against Greg Oden. Seriously Shaq, we know you are great and all that. No need to prove anything. Our guy has confidence issues enough as it is.

Oh yeah, and make that roster Damon!

Now, game links to keep you from doing any actual work for the rest of the day. Because I care.

- Sheed's Shakedown
- 15 Thoughts
- Pre-thoughts
- BE Preview

Reading Shaq's Twitter has not yet gotten old

I admit I was probably a little too excited when news broke that Shaq was twittering away. Even worse, I have yet to get over it. It is all too perfect. Shaq and Twitter really are the true power couple of the NBA. Shaq is more than a simple basketball player. He, like the Onion, has many layers. Or like a tetrahedron, has many sides. You see. Just a sample:

Wisdom:

Shaq quote "treat people as u expect them to be, not how u think they are" 12:06 PM Nov 22nd from txt

Current Events:

Did anyone hear about da guy on da web dat commited suicide, my prayers go out to his family 12:04 PM Nov 22nd from txt

Blazers:

Last nite i told greg oden , "we r not the same, i am a martian" 1:09 PM Nov 23rd from txt

Politics:

Did mrs clinton really take da job 11:44 PM Nov 21st from txt

Gratitude:

Just fed 1200 peopl , bout to go feed 1,000 more, thanks mom and dad 4 raisn me right 1:29 PM Nov 21st from txt

The arts:

On my way 2 da arena. I feel like the main charachter n da movie 300 5:39 PM Nov 20th from txt

Cuisine:

Subway it is turkey n cheese um um um lol 11:44 AM Nov 20th from txt

Comedy (?):

Why is steve francis sittn on the houston rocket bench Thingsdat make u go ummmm 6:06 PM Nov 19th from txt

I love technology.

Weakened Review, ex-Blazers on the move

You step away from your computer for just a little bit, just trying to have some sort of a life, and all of a sudden things happen.

• Soon after we took a trip down memory lane, Z-Bo (along with my man Mardy Collins! Temple Owls!) goes to the Clips for Cuttino Mobley (can we still call him Cat?) and Tim Thomas. Hoop Fam!
• P.J. (Peej!) got fired freed from coaching the Oklahoma City Clay-Bennett-Is-An-Assholes. [ESPN] Unless he assassinates a world leader, Carlesimo will always be known for getting choked by a player that was just trying to feed his family.
• Shaq vs. Oden! Showdown! Not really. Shaq responded to the Oden hype by pulling out a vintage performance and dropping vintage quotes afterwards. He probably even LOL'd about it on his twitter.
  
• Portland came off blowing out Chicago by blowing out the Kings [ESPN]. Wasn't it just last season that this team was in dire need of outside shooting?

I'll never venture outside again.

Hard to Not Love Shaq

It was pretty awesome when Shaq had to Superman over some kids in courtside seats while going for a loose ball against San Antonio. His teammates learned something:

Impending DOOM

A couple days ago I joked that Brad Miller and Hedo Turkoglu being named players of the week was a sign of the apocalypse. Hardee-har-har.

Now this is happening. Wow. Suffice to say, I'm heading to Costco to stock up on bottled water and Wal Mart to stock up on ammunition. Anyone know how to build a bunker?