DeceptivelyQuick interviews "Rudy Fernandez"

DeceptivelyQuick doesn't do interviews very often, but when it happens they are Earth shattering. Great journalists the World over are still talking about how everything changed when it was revealed that all Akeem Scott wants in life is good money, a couple houses, and two beautiful women to live with.

At this moment the recent actions of one Trevor Ariza (Boooooo!) have got the whole interwebs vibrating. There is no better time than now to check in with the Blazer on the receiving end of Ariza's rather interesting strategy for blocking a shot. We e-mailed Rudy Fernandez some questions, and he was kind enough to take time out from giving sneakers away and answer. OK, so it wasn't exactly Rudy Fernandez, but more like "Rudy Fernandez," of the brilliant El Ilusorio Blog de Rudy. Enjoy.

What are your current thoughts on the Lakers game?

As is known, my mates and I rolled with steam over the Lakers in our recent match. Stars were aligned. The crowd was raucous. And Brandon Roy had just got a steal and passed to me for a dunking. 

The foul itself was a blur. I now find myself reflecting back to the moments afterwards, while I lay incapacitated. (I count luck is my mistress that I was not significantly injured.) The crowd chanted my name, but when I did not arise, they descended first into a fearful state and then into an overwhelming collective anger. This was manifested in much cursing, boos, and promises of violence upon the Lakers’ heads. Finally, as I was wheeled off the floor, the Rose Garden masses gave way to depression.

Strange to say, but it shows that they cared. It also shows the stages of a Trail Blazer fan’s coping: Jubilation, shock, hopefulness, rage, depression, and then, with our victory, jubilation. Repeat cycle!

We have a lot of younger readers, so do you have any advice for kids growing up these days?

Ru-dy! Ru-dy! (I am sorry. What was the question?)

What are your impressions of Portland as a city so far?

I know that Phil Jackson has inveighed against the rainy weather and “depressing faces” in Portland. As to the latter, I can see his point. As I was wheeled out of the Rose Garden with my neck in a brace, I had a commanding view of the Lakers bench. It was a motley assortment of downcast faces. All miens were of a depressing nature, with the exceptions of Jordan Farmar (gently solicitous) and Didier Ilunga-Mbenga (gently solicitous in a thoroughly frightening fashion).

What happened at the dunk contest?

It is an unknown. Pau has mocked me by asking if he can ask Trevor Ariza to be my slam dunk partner next year. His humor is suspect for more reasons than one! As Pau says about the judges, “[Rudy] was screwed this year. So you can be screwed once, but if you can avoid it and prevent it, don't get screwed twice.”

Who is the most fashionable NBA player?

Steve Nash is so indifferent to fashion’s dictates, he transcends them with his own casual appearance. That is style. As to most fashionable, I am unsure. I can state that Steve Blake is the least fashionable on our team; he appears ill-at-ease in anything but a Blazers uniform.

Speaking of clothing, how tight is too tight?

If one can see the outline of the Euro coins in a mate’s pocket, the pants should be purchased in a larger size.

Whats up with Greg Oden?

He is most eccentric. And large. I have learned that Greg is a Shakespeare aficionado, and enjoys employing lines from Hamlet in his conversations. As to his injury, methinks Greg should refrain from joining the court’s fray until such time as his joint’s recuperation is complete. (That Elizabethan dialogue is most contagious!)

Many gratitudes for the kind inquisition! I hope you see me on the court soon.