Monday, December 28, 2009

More proof that all newspaper sportswriters are better than all bloggers

Would you like to enjoy some excerpts from Mark Heisler's NBA Decade Awards? This could have all been a joke by Mr. Heisler. That is highly doubtful, but I mean, it could be the case. If this was all some satirical representation of a ridiculously off-target newspaper sportswriter, kudos. Now then:
Best moment: Robert Horry's winning 3-pointer at the buzzer in Game 4, the high point of the incredible 2002 Lakers-Kings Western Conference finals.

With the Kings leading the series 2-1 and the game 99-97, and with nine players jumping on each other pursuing a rebound of O'Neal's miss as time ran out, Vlade Divac batted the ball out -- right to Horry, spotted up on the arc, as if waiting for destiny to anoint him.

The rest was history.
Um, Mr. Heisler, that series is known for something else you failed to mention. Tim Donaghy, who somehow is not mentioned in your recap of the most memorable NBA moments of the last decade, uses the 2002 Lakers-Kings series as Exhibit A in his "The NBA is crooked anyways, who cares if I gambled, I have an addiction" angle. Donaghy aside, that series had terrible officiating to the degree that Ralph Nader wrote a letter of complaint to David Stern. He even quoted legit-media member Michael Wilbon. Incredible!

But wait, there is actually more:
Second best moment -- Dwyane Wade weaving through all five Dallas Mavericks, getting the call and making the free throws that gave Miami a 100-99 overtime win in the pivotal Game 5 of the 2006 Finals, perhaps the greatest move in NBA history that didn't lead to a basket.
That exact play generated enough outrage that TrueHoop did a five-part series to cover the fallout. That exact play launched discussion on how crappy NBA officiating is and changes that should be made. That exact play.

The controversy that both of these events triggered is somehow not mentioned in the article. All this time I thought Heisler stuck to hacky-Oden/Bowie articles and spelling Joel Przybilla's name wrong because he didn't care enough to really follow the Blazers. Turns out he's been ignoring the entire NBA.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Akeem Scott: DeceptivelyQuick Legend takes his place

Catching up with SPIDERMAN and HIS PETER PARKER! from joe black on Vimeo.

With that video Akeem Scott (aka Keem Scott, aka People's Champ aka Mr. If he can't do it no one can aka Spider-keem) has officially become the most important person in DeceptivelyQuick History.

We recognize this important point in time with another first: an addition to the prestigious DeceptivelyQuick Jpeg Banner of Honor. The DQJBH was previously occupied by only Finland, Roybot, and Kevin Pritchard wearing Darius Miles' necklace. Akeem joins this illustrious company. No player has had a bigger impact on DeceptivelyQuick. It doesn't seem possible that another ever will.

Please get all sentimental with some of our favorite DeceptivelyQuick/Akeem Scott moments:

- Groundbreaking exclusive interview.
- Keem becomes a sensation in Finland.
- When the crowd chants "Who the Fuck is Akeem Scott," Akeem Scott wins the game and does the bird dance and wins the title. Meet me in Helsinki!
- Keem drops 45 in his Playboy debut.
- Hippo (aka H.T., aka Finland's Finest, aka Hunter S. Thompson) first tells us of this amazingly entertaining player named Akeem Scott, which sets off a chain of events leading us to today. Somehow this was only in January of 2008. ESPN's TrueHoop was impressed enough to include the discovery in some Daily Bullets action.

As always, you can follow the Spider Man to my Peter Parker,

Thursday, December 10, 2009

What this really does is open the door for the DeceptivelyQuick film

Who Shot Mamba? - CH 5 from Lasterday Films on Vimeo.

I got word of this from TrueHoop of course.

This is monumental. It paves the way for all basketball-blogs that have been trying to become films. Fifteen years ago I completed the DeceptivelyQuick screenplay, but found myself shut out of a film industry that is both anti-blog and anti-Finland. Things have changed, at least on the anti-blog thing.

It is now entirely possible that you will see DeceptivelyQuick: The Film, on the big screen. (Assuming that you call your monitor "the big screen.") The premise should be obvious: Akeem Scott wanders a post-apocalyptic Finland, where the only way to survive is to defeat a never ending slew of opponents in 1 on 1 basketball games to 15...and THE DEATH. (Big Akeem Scott news coming soon, by the way.)

To the movie people: the good news is that I am still listening to offers. Let's do lunch.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

And into the abyss we fall

"I'm going to wear a black patch on my shirt all year in memory of the Blazers 2009-10 season. Gone before your time. We will remember."

"In a different era Oden would have been dominant. For example, in the 2099 NBA they will have bionic legs that they can just strap on."

"Hey NBA, there's a new contender in the John Wall sweepstakes."

"At least all that Roy/Miller ridiculousness is probably over now. Probably."

"I'm so happy that all those Bowie people get to be proven right. I'm selfless like that."

Akeem Scott Watch: Services of People's Champ available

With all this coverage we should at least add Akeem Scott to our exclusive Jpeg Banner Logo of Honor.

With a loss and an off shooting night Scott's three week try out with Latvian team Ventspils has come to an end. According to Akeem's Facebook status they are opting not to sign the DeceptivelyQuick mega-star for the rest of the season. Scott had some good games, especially considering that he was thrown onto a team that had already begun their season, but ultimately Ventspils didn't see much improvement in terms of wins and losses. Don't be too upset for Akeem, he got an opportunity to show that he can be a valuable player outside of Finland and has a good shot at joining a team in need of some scoring and swagger.

I am sort of bummed because this means that Ventspils is now dead to me. I enjoyed their logo very much and was hoping for more opportunities to use it. Sad.