Lakers win, Blazers fans resort to eating poo

Well that was interesting. The Blazers most hated imaginary rival just locked up the West. Things have been pretty gravy for the Lakers since the Gasol hijacking. The win tonight has me thinking more about that superstar with enough gravity to pull most basketball discussions his way, Kobe. This has really been an amazingly Mamba-ie year.

First we had the speaking out against management issue. This attention pushed his lovers and haters to once again vocalize how detached from reality they have become. You folks are silly.

Then of course, Gasol came and made everything better. Kobe gets MVP. Lakers get to the Western Conference Finals where they are up against what is perceived not so much as a mere team, but basketball purity descended directly from His sanctum. Luckily for them, one diety seems to have an injured ankle.

There was that non-call on Bones Barry at the end of game four, bringing both justified complaints and entertaining conspiracy rants. Proponents of a Lakers bias in officiating would be wise to consider that Kobe shot 11 total freethrows, in the series. In any event, the Lakers win. Kobe wins. Blazers fans reportedly consider eating poo to remove the unpleasant taste from their mouths. Gross.

Through these most recent developments, of course, has been the story mainstream media outlets are still weary of touching; Kobe's alleged affair with an 18 year old Laker girl (timelined for your convenience at Deadspin).

This year is Kobe personified. Loved as a great player and a winner, absolutely loathed as a perceived jerk. These dual extremes alone don't make Kobe compelling. To me, it is how they have been sprawling out concurrently.

Kobe throws a "trade me" tantrum. Lakers have best record in the West. Kobe gets MVP. Kobe has another sex scandal. Lakers beat the Spurs, win West.

We should know by now this is who Kobe is. This sequence is more than coincidence, it seems like the blueprint for his life. At the very least it serves as his soundtrack. The Lakers could still win the Championship, he could still be Finals MVP, and he could still win Olympic Gold this summer. Thats more hardware in a year than a lot of guys in the Hall of Fame accumulated over an entire career.

As this unfolds, who knows what direction his current scandal will take, what other information will be uncovered. Maybe there is something else lurking around the corner. Most of us will be watching, and most of us will continue to dedicate ourselves to loving or hating. This is Kobe Bryant.

Spurs vs. Lakers: Oh God.

What is a Blazers fan to do?

The sole team I felt compelled to root for has been eliminated after a fight with the Spurs that was worthy of your admiration. Now...

Spurs. Lakers. What is a Blazers fan to do?

I can't bring myself to like the Spurs, even though the scars of Sean Elliot have faded somewhat. It isn't because I find their effectiveness boring, that is one lame anti-basketball perspective I will never support. I do resent what often serves as the counter argument to the "boring" assertion; that they somehow embody an abstract concept of divine basketball purity. Not that anyone could even know what that would look like, but I'm relatively confident some of the actions of Bowen and Horry are not what Dr. Naismith had in mind. No, the Spurs are flawed like everyone else, even if it is to a lesser degree.

They just have been too good for too long. I can't stand it. I'm jealous. I'm sick of it. There.

Immature and illogical as it is, this is a significant enough barrier to keep me stubbornly anti-Spurs. It is so strong that when Ime Udoka plays well I am launched into an unpleasant sense of moral dissonance. The combination of his very Portland background and inspiring story have made me an Ime fan for life. But I see that jersey and things get complicated.

On the other hand, we have the Lakers. Anyone concerned with being a good Blazers fan knows there is a zero tolerance rule for anything that could be construed as supporting Lakerdom (which inspired this). Hating the Lakers is part of loving the Blazers. We have gone as far as to keep deceiving ourselves that a rivalry still exists between us. I'm fairly sure a rivalry has to be acknowledged by both parties to become actual, but that would inconvenience our thoughts, so disregard that. I have been trying to exorcise this goo from my person for a couple years with very negligible success. I am starting to think this will only be achieved following self-actualization, nirvana, and some Li Mu-Bai soaring through the forest stuff.

Whether it makes sense or not, distaste for the Spurs and Lakers remains a part of my fan identity. To make things worse, my NBA addiction will not let me simply look away. This creates an interesting situation. I'm not certain I have ever watched a game where I legitimately did not feel compelled to root for one team at least a little. More and more, I get the sense that some conflictive half-formed little creature is going to crawl out of me while watching this series. Go Spurs. Go Lakers. Terrifying.

Blazers popularity hurts procrastinators

Some of the more hard-core pinwheel fans seem a little peeved that the fair-weather folks are turning up in droves. As one who defended this team through the mini-dark ages I would agree that it isn't totally enjoyable all the time. To see the same uninterested folks you were trying to convince of this team's potential just a season ago all of a sudden parade around like they've had a Travis Outlaw portrait tattooed on their chest since 2003 can be infuriating. But overall, I have to say I enjoy watching this city support this team again, even if the majority only fall in lust. The Blazers as a big deal in Oregon just seems right.

They're the hottest ticket in a town where they really have no excuse not to be. As evidence, I'm going to the wings place to watch the game tonight. Tried to get tickets, sold-out. I got gift certificate tickets as a gift, and needed to pick which games to see. I redeemed these the last week of December and couldn't get tickets to Boston on February 24th. I was lucky to get San Antonio on April 6th.

Last season, you could pretty much pick your spot by going to the box office right before tipoff. I will always miss the days of being able to walk down from the balcony and see the action up close. But don't get me wrong, its more fun to be part of a full-house of energy. Just don't procrastinate.

P.S., I hate when other life demands inconvenience DeceptivelyQuick, so inconsiderate like. But these demands are flying at me right now, so hot-blogging action will likely be sporadic for a while. One thing that could help is if any of you would like to contribute to the blog, send submissions: deceptively.quick(at)yahoo. There's a lot of you that are on your game: H.T., Brrrrrrrrrr!, and goonerluke I see you. There's more of you out there. If anyone wants to put something up let me know, could be interesting.

Mike Barrett: Referee conspiracy whistle blower

I am a supporter of the Blazers All-Mike TV broadcasting team. They're funny, and they do a pretty good job of describing the action.

That said, as I'm sitting here watching the Blazers get blown out by the Hornets in the second game of the season, Mike Barrett's repeated "Refs hate the Blazers" act is already old. Seriously, I'm not sure I can handle another season of this. Its beginning to overshadow the many things the guy does right.

That said, here's some quick notes on the game:

• Chris Paul had 19 points and 6 assists in less than 26 minutes. He's a great, but Jack and Blake's inability to even stay in the frame with him had me thinking of Taurean Green all night. For the record, "Nate-guy" Green has played less than three minutes this season.
• This was the first time LaMarcus saw an NBA team that had a focus on stopping him in the game plan. He struggled and looked frustrated much of the night. After blowing over and around Duncan and the Spurs in the first game, facing Tyson Chandler may have been a little shocking.

Opening Night

I'm sitting here waiting for the Blazers debut versus the Spurs to begin. Good to see the TNT studio team, I've missed them. I'm glad the Oden arrival pushed the Blazers into some national coverage, even as Oden going down has the networks bracing for lower ratings. I'm happy because the attention means more people will realize how special Brandon Roy and LaMarcus are. This team had a lot going for it before Oden came into the picture, even if it all is tied to some oft-injured young stars finding ways to stay healthy.

Last season we started to realize we have players that can conceivably make something special happen. This season is the first dedicated to that something. Here we go.

Letter to the World: LeBron has you right where he wants you

There, I said it.

Down 0-2. Not like down-to-Detroit 0-2, but down-to-San Antonio 0-2. The world has chimed in like only The World can, "LeBron, its a wrap."

No doubt. Nice run Lebron. Who cares what they say about the LEastern Conference, you're a 22 year old who has carried your odd-ball squad to the finals. All the seemingly unfair expectations you have created in your young life, only to exceed them. How is it even possible for a player with this much hype to remain ahead of schedule?

LeBron is prodigious when it comes to surpassing mountains of hype, and such habits are scary rare and lead to even loftier standards. So goes the career of a wunderkind.

Thats why I'm posting this. Down-to-San Antonio 0-2? Expecting a comeback from this would be lunacy. Totally unrealistic and unfair. Not even LeBron has done anything like this before.

Sound familiar?