Spurs vs. Lakers: Oh God.

What is a Blazers fan to do?

The sole team I felt compelled to root for has been eliminated after a fight with the Spurs that was worthy of your admiration. Now...

Spurs. Lakers. What is a Blazers fan to do?

I can't bring myself to like the Spurs, even though the scars of Sean Elliot have faded somewhat. It isn't because I find their effectiveness boring, that is one lame anti-basketball perspective I will never support. I do resent what often serves as the counter argument to the "boring" assertion; that they somehow embody an abstract concept of divine basketball purity. Not that anyone could even know what that would look like, but I'm relatively confident some of the actions of Bowen and Horry are not what Dr. Naismith had in mind. No, the Spurs are flawed like everyone else, even if it is to a lesser degree.

They just have been too good for too long. I can't stand it. I'm jealous. I'm sick of it. There.

Immature and illogical as it is, this is a significant enough barrier to keep me stubbornly anti-Spurs. It is so strong that when Ime Udoka plays well I am launched into an unpleasant sense of moral dissonance. The combination of his very Portland background and inspiring story have made me an Ime fan for life. But I see that jersey and things get complicated.

On the other hand, we have the Lakers. Anyone concerned with being a good Blazers fan knows there is a zero tolerance rule for anything that could be construed as supporting Lakerdom (which inspired this). Hating the Lakers is part of loving the Blazers. We have gone as far as to keep deceiving ourselves that a rivalry still exists between us. I'm fairly sure a rivalry has to be acknowledged by both parties to become actual, but that would inconvenience our thoughts, so disregard that. I have been trying to exorcise this goo from my person for a couple years with very negligible success. I am starting to think this will only be achieved following self-actualization, nirvana, and some Li Mu-Bai soaring through the forest stuff.

Whether it makes sense or not, distaste for the Spurs and Lakers remains a part of my fan identity. To make things worse, my NBA addiction will not let me simply look away. This creates an interesting situation. I'm not certain I have ever watched a game where I legitimately did not feel compelled to root for one team at least a little. More and more, I get the sense that some conflictive half-formed little creature is going to crawl out of me while watching this series. Go Spurs. Go Lakers. Terrifying.

Horrible What I Did To You: Greatest Hits

That false return stunt was horrible, horrible, horrible. But now DeceptivelyQuick really is back. As the first order of business, we need to celebrate this one year anniversary thing. Here are some posts you probably haven't seen:

• Mike Dunleavy's ability to decrease the value of a basketball.
• Ime Udoka's defense
• Comcast thinks Sergio Garcia is Sergio Rodriguez
• The Blazers Wanted Crazy People, then realized crazy people are crazy and abandoned the project
• I Stalk The Blazers on Myspace!
• I tried to post 100 entries in a day. It didn't work out.
• DeceptivelyQuick poetry jam

Thanks! Good to be back. Of course, no DeceptivelyQuick celebration is comlete without at least linking to this.

Congratulations Portland State

I've never mentioned it before, but when I'm not blogging I'm a graduate student here. Portland State doesn't have much men's basketball tradition beyond the legendary Freeman Williams and current Spurs reserve Ime Udoka (both those guys have really interesting stories by the way, I recommend checking them out if you haven't before).

As of 2008, PSU will be a part of NCAA March Madness for the first time ever. They steam-rolled the Big Sky Conference this season and just won their conference tournament, snatching up that automatic bid. (Odd reference to the Portland City Grill in that SportsCenter Highlight. How stuffy, maybe thats the spot for Conneticut folks when they pass through. No love for The Yamhill?). What do you know, something to be proud of. And don't sleep on PSU come tournament time, this team is more solid than you think. There is enough here to make an elite team work, and enough to beat them if they don't

So, although not NBA/Blazer/Finland-related, a gracious DeceptivelyQuick thank you and congratulations to the PSU basketball team.

I think the situation calls for me to once again post this:



Dance like you got a Darth Vader mask on.

Follow up to Dunleavy Humor of the previous post...

When I read my blog (I am by far my most loyal reader) regarding Mr. Mike Dunleavy's ability to decrease the value of a basketball by autographing it, I realized I made reference to another picture on my phone of Ime Udoka handling Mike Miller. I thought I'd follow up and post it:

There's so many more penis grabbing jokes to be made here. I'll leave coming up with the rest of them up to you, since I don't want to develop carpal tunnel. Both the facial expressions are funny, Ime like he can't bare to do it, as if he is ashamed/disgusted but has been pressured into it. Mike's face as if, well, he's getting his reproductive organs grabbed by Ime Udoka.

Thats it!

3/16/07 - Watching Blazers vs. Lakers

Oh my god, somebody ISN'T watching the NCAA Tournament??? I switched over because I got frustrated when Villanova lost to Kentucky. I'm not really sure why.

The first thing I wish people would notice more is how the Lakers are experimenting with dimming the lights in the crowd during some of their games...

......Zach Randolph just dunked! The planets are aligning my friend.


...but I digress, I think that it is pretty cool (the lights thing, Z-BO dunking is not exactly poetry in motion). It makes it seem to be more like a stage. I wish the Blazers would try this so I could experience how it effects the experience of actually being there. I wonder, does it make the crowd more quiet? Like they're at the movies or something? Does that in turn weaken the homecourt advantage? The NBA should do some decibel testing, its hard to tell.

....Jack had a nice assist a few minutes ago, followed by a nice 3, and is playing good D. While I'm on it, anyone else noticing how Jack is unjustly becoming an afterthought since Sergio's emergence? When I hear talk of the Blazer's "great young nucleus," Jack's name seems to be getting mentioned less and less. I know Sergio is very good and very fun to watch, but let's keep in mind that Jack is currently finishing up just his SECOND year in the league. He runs the team well, and is pretty tough, he's veteranish already. He's like a lower-middle class man's Chauncey Billups, with Upper-middle class man's Chauncey Billups potential.


If your gonna throw anybody's name out of the "future" conversation, make it Zach's. I know he puts up the best numbers and all that right now, but aren't we talking future? He's the one who I have to watch stall the offense possession after possession (he likes to "size up" the defense, which involves holding the ball for 3-5 seconds and looking around before deciding what to do). And he's the last remaining guy who holds the very likely odds of continuing the "Jailblazer" stuff. He's having a GREAT season, numbers and leadership wise. Sounds like a great time to get something that will fit better with the big picture. I do love his favorite thing to mention whenever he gets in trouble, you know what I'm talking about. The whole "Portland is just a really small town with nothing going on so they pay a lot of attention to us cause they got nothing else to pay attention to" thing. Oh my bad Zach, you're right, it is OUR FAULT. I'm pretty sure in ANY NBA city, when the teams best player punches a teammate in the face, street races downtown, or is somehow implicated in a sex-scandal, its news. A lot of us really care about this team, forgive us for noticing when you continually decide to mess it up.

......Outlaw, back-to-back great dunks, followed by a silky baseline J. The enigma continues.

Another thing about the Lakers, I'm never going to get over Phil sitting on his throne. I mean "his throne" literally. Seriously, that chair he sits in on the sidelines is HUGE and nobody outside of the Blazers announcers and myself seems to talk about it enough. His shoulders are above his assistant's heads. Do you really buy the idea that he needs this for medical reasons? They should be poking fun of this on Sportscenter.

..........Udoka from the corner. How can you not love Udoka? I really hope he gets a good multi-year contract at the end of the year. And I hope Dan Dickau leaves. I also seem to be the only non-Dickau fan, at the last game I went to everytime he got the ball everyone around me was screaming "Shoot it Dan!!!!!" To be fair, they later redeemed themselves by a great discussion on how much Jamaal Magloire sucks ("As long as he doesn't get the ball, he's cool." So true, so true).


.........Zach is doing his mid 90's throwback iso-hold the ball for 15 seconds thing. Brick. It hurts more because he's on my fantasy team.

One last Lakers thing. Kobe may hate White guys. Mike Miller was the first to feel this. Ginobili. Jaric. If I were up against the Lakers in the playoffs, I would take any White guy on the roster and stick him on Kobe. Then of course, Kobe hits him in the face. He's suspended the rest of the game, given his history maybe a couple games of the series. Well, to get the League to give Mamba a multi-game suspension would be hard. It would have to be REALLY bad. You would have to get a REALLY White guy. Now I know why the Blazers signed Luke Schenscher.

....Things are getting chippy! Roy just hit a clutch lay-up and Odom went jawing at the Blazers bench, then Kobe and Jack were in a man-off stare. I love it, the Blazers don't lay down these days. Pride. I also love the Blazers announcers, "Thats the rookie of the year LA Lakers, and don't you forget it!" They hate the Lakers as much as I do. I hear a lot of people complain about announcers, but the Mikes bring it. They're way homer, which is actually more amusing than annoying to me. They were still complaining about a non-call against Roy at a game 2 weeks later. They're funny and passionate, it works. Keep it up fellas.

.....Mamba the 3 to tie. Zach misses a J badly on the attempt to break the tie. On to OT. Kobe has 56.

.....Aldridge a beautiful turnaround jumper from the baseline. Wow. I remember a guy from NBA.com saying the Blazers have the 3 best rookies in the league. Maybe, but I would say they have 3 of the top 5. We gotta keep Millsap and Bargnani in there somewhere.

.....Play by play Mike notes how Blazers vs. Lakers games are always close, and that this is a great rivalry. I wish I had friends who liked the Lakers so I could verify that they view this as a rivalry. Actually I don't. But honestly, this could be one of those "rivalries." You know, where only one side views it as a rivalry. I remember when it was no doubt a rivalry (notice, no quotes!), I'm not sure it still is.

......Color commentator Mike giving a speech about how he doesn't throw the label "Warrior" often, but Ime Udoka is definitely a Warrior. Awesome. Webster just hit a clutch 3. Team Mike is still complaining about the refs. I love this. I'm explaining to my girlfriend that my blog is an attempt to save her from this stream of consciousness I have to voice about basketball. She's not interested. Blazers lose.