Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Blazers on Myspace. I know I'm a loser.

It was Blazers media day today, and everybody who is anybody was there. I was going to get a press-pass and get all sorts of scoops, but I had to shower and do some stuff.

So I decided to have my own media day. There will be no microphones or cliche questions/answers at this one. To get to really know a person, they have to open up. You have to see them stripped down to their most honest self-expression. Thats right, we're going to Myspace!

I guess its important to keep in mind anyone can pose as anyone on myspace. I mean, if I really wanted to I could create an account claiming the name "Raef LaFrentz," throw up some pics and a Kelly Clarkson song, and BOOM, I'm hooking up with "LaFans" until I get "LaClap."

Full disclosure, here's mine.

Lets assume that at least some of these are real, and we can learn all types of interesting personal trivia. For example, did you know Raef LaFrentz would like to meet "Bill Russel, Magic Johnson, Jesus, " This is just the beginning my friend.

I ran the entire roster through the name search (I added the draft picks who will remain stashed in Europe for a while). Then I took my shirt off, took pictures at extreme angles that hide my flaws, and got my social-network on.

If you don't see your favorite Blazer on the list, there could be a couple of explanations. They could actually NOT have a myspace, it is sort of possible. Or, and this was more frequent, they have a common name and I didn't feel like sifting through 9 million other Steve Blakes of Chris Elisseses (Ellisi?). I guess I could of tinkered with the zip code filter on my searches, but um, I didn't.

LaMarcus Aldridge
Title: "The Official LaMarcus Aldridge Myspace"
Song: Get 'Em by lil Wayne
Friends: 144
Last login: 10/2/07
By reading the quote, you might think his page is more corporate-marketing tool than actual myspace. You're wrong, you'll be assured of this by the Weezy track and high volume of basketball pictures stuffed into the columns.

Channing Frye
Title: "with any new job, you embrace it, accept it, and move on proudly"
Private Page
He looks to be a serial-myspacer, with a few older accounts. If you're curious, I linked to one he had when he played for the Knicks. The move to a new private page with a positive mantra serving as title (his old one is "Go Knicks!!!!!!")? I like it.

Taurean Green
Title: "gators back to back champs"
Song: Low by Flo Rida
Friends: 945
Last login: 9/27/2007
If you have read this blog, you know I love Taurean's game. He's also impressing the pants off of Nate McMillan, which I always imagine as being hard. His teammates are in his picture, but he didn't just make this to show them some love. You know he can score effectively on his own: "Ladies I'm lookin for i girl that will treat me the way that i will treat the and da way i treat them is good." Awwwwe ya.

Jarrett Jack
Title: "Jarrett Jack"
Last login: 4/28/07
Private Page
Break down the walls, Jarrett, let me love you!

Raef LaFrentz
Title: "Trail Blazers on their way up"
Song: Streamline by Newton
Friends: 295
Last login: 1/5/07
This is the one profile I absolutely insist you visit. Really its too funny to be real (Dane Cook and Bishop Don Magic Juan are top friends), and I can't do it justice.

Josh McRoberts
Title: "im a lucky guy."
Last login: 9/7/2007
Private Page
I admit, I wanted to see this one pretty bad. But not as bad as the next one.

Darius Miles
Title: "Dunkin' Darius"
Song: Where it started at by Hi-Tek
Friends: 3987
Last login: 5/24/2007
Whatever people think about D.Miles, they still think about him. When I talk Blazers to those that don't really follow the team, his name comes up often. Further evidence is the multiple fake myspace pages that are dedicated to him. I linked to the one that seemed to have the most effort put into it.

Greg Oden
Title: "The Ohio State"
Song: Get them hands hi by Ten Days Till
Friends: 368
Last login: 10/2/207
Ordinary enough. Stick to his blog.

Travis Outlaw
Technically has one, but its totally blank. No bad joke equating that with his court presence. Not from me.

Brent Petway
Title: "Holla at ya folk!"
Song: None.
Friends: 3
Last login: 7/8/2005
Brent is one of those guys we should all cheer to catch on somewhere and make the league this season, if only so he can be in the dunk contest. Air Georgia's not really into myspace, though.

Joel Pryzbilla
See Travis Outlaw above.

Sergio Rodriguez
This search yielded 1183 hits, so I let it go. I do write about Sergio often, so I hope to satisfy your needs. Did that sound weird?

Martell Webster
Song: KOBE by Kobe Bryant
Friends: 42
Last login: 8/20/2007
Its not Martell, but it is hilarious. If you didn't know, Martell has angered teammates with the love he gives Kobe, especially when its moments after Mamba has snatched yet another W away from Portland. Kobe's rap song is one of the greatest gifts ever given to us, but for some reason it doesn't get the attention it deserves. This page keeps that alive.

Joel Freeland
Title: ""
Song: none
Friends: 15
Last login: 10/2/2007
Joel is in a frustrating situation. The Blazers know he's good enough to play here. Joel knows he's good enough to play here. But he isn't playing here, instead there is another frustrating season with Gran Canaria ahead. They signed him after he got drafted, seemingly in hopes of securing a nice buy-out payday from Portland, and have played him little and worked to develop him even less.
Trying times. But going emo won't help anything, there are no emo-guys in the League. Thats why his picture selection worries me a little:


Luke said...

brilliant concept! did you purposefully not link to martell's?

Jack Brown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jack Brown said...

The song on Martell's is a nice touch, I heard its actually Tyra Banks singing the hook (it goes ("K-O-B-E I L-O-V-E YOU"), on that song, which somehow makes it funnier.

Anyways, I tried to link to all of them that had an external url on the page. Some didn't, and linking without it wouldn't work unless you were logged into my myspace account. I imagine there's a way around it, but I'm not hip to it.

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