Something I approve of: Comparing 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' to the Trailblazers

I'm late getting to this, but Hardwood Paroxysm has a nice bit of weekend reading for you:

Remember when the Portland Trailblazers tried to pass off Darius Miles as a broken down, must retire piece of cap relief? They tried to get his incomprehensible contract off of their books by saying he needed to retire due to injury and it nearly worked. In fact, had it worked the Blazers would have been about $16 million under the cap figure this off-season and in position to add one more major piece to their young core before the extensions of Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge start being discussed.

[Cut]

Instead of being able to offer Hedo Turkoglu money he couldn’t refuse, they were only able to offer him something Toronto could easily match and they ended up losing him to Canada. It was all because Michael Heisley finally decided to try to be a competent NBA owner by screwing over the Blazers.

So what does this have to do with It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?

Well, there’s an episode in the second season of Sunny PA (just an easy way to shorten the title in conversation) in which Mac ends up having sexual relations with Dennis’ mom. In fact, the episode is titled, “Mac Bangs Dennis’ Mom.” In the episode, Mac has foreword advances from Dennis’ mom while visiting to pick up some things. He decides to not “bang” her because she’s the mom of his friend even though he really wants to. Their other friend Charlie (the one that thought “Private” read “Pirate”) is in a feud with Dennis because Dennis is blackmailing him by threatening to sleep with a girl Charlie is obsessed with (but who wants nothing to do with him). So in retaliation, Charlie convinces Mac to sleep with Dennis’ mom so he can set up a chain reaction of backlash and chaos.

Charlie shows Mac leaving the mom’s house to Dennis one morning and Dennis’ reaction is to kill Mac. But Charlie convinces him that it wouldn’t “un-bang his mom.” He convinces Dennis to attempt to sleep with Mac’s mom, despite that being arguably the most disgusting thing anyone could ever do. And that’s what brings us to the latest in salary cap banging.

The Blazers were furious after the Grizzlies intentionally signed Darius Miles and played him to hurt their future cap space. They wanted to sue and get thousands of other team’s dollars tied up in litigation. But none of that ever happened because they knew their own threats were baseless. So instead, they waited for their opportunity this summer to try and hurt another team’s salary cap and that’s exactly what they attempted with the Paul Millsap offer sheet.

Now put it all together...

And you can’t really blame them. Their mom/salary cap situation was completely banged/ruined because of petty and shrewd business moves. They weren’t wronged in any way. Every team in the NBA should have been prepared to do what Memphis did just like every team with cap space should have tried to drive up the asking price for Paul Millsap, knowing that Utah was almost certain to match. That’s just a good business practice and a way to keep the competition down. Portland tried to retaliate by banging/ruining someone else’s mom/salary cap situation.
Unfortunately, that didn’t un-bang Portland’s salary cap and they still haven’t been able to add a big piece to their roster.

I think this means other NBA GMs should keep their respective mothers locked in the house when Kevin Pritchard comes to town. Or did I misunderstand something?

Darius Miles...is still Darius Miles

To the surprise of absolutely no one, everyone's favorite still-technically-a-Blazer Darius Miles (Big Pun!) is in trouble again. This time it was a misdemeanor possession of marijuana charge and a driving without a suspended license citation.

And so the circle remains unbroken. If you are from Rigel XII (the new Star Trek movie is awesome), here is the pattern: Miles will continue to get in trouble, then say the right things, then someone will write an article about how Miles has finally matured, then Miles will perform at a mediocre level, then he will get in trouble again, and so on.

Darius plays his tenth game, Miles-gate turns into Miles Missle Crisis

So that happened. Now, will the Blazers call on the firm Ha, Ha, & Ha and actually file a lawsuit? I personally think that the franchise's image has taken enough of a hit from this ordeal already, so am hoping not. Then again I do love a circus. ("Circus" meaning big embarrassing legal battles played out in front of the media, not an actual circus. Those are terrifying.) Also, there are no funny pictures of Blazers President Larry Miller on the internet.

UPDATE: If you are interested in how the Miles Missle Crisis has impacted perceptions of Kevin Pritchard, check out this article by Adrian Wojnarowski. Ouch.

Will Memphis end the Miles saga tonight?

The Memphis Grizzlies host the Utah Jazz tonight. I tell you this because A) you may live in a cave and B) if you do, you might not be aware that it could be Darius Miles' tenth game of the season, meaning that Big Pun's salary will go back on the Blazer's books.

Many people seem to be thinking Miles will enter the game tonight, the Blazers salary cap flexibility will be impacted, and we can all move on from there. That is the most likely scenario, and while it sucks, at least we could all get on with our lives.

But if other GM's hate Kevin Pritchard as much as reported, I would find it bad-funny if Memphis sat Miles tonight just to prolong the agony. It would twist the knife a bit, keep the story in the news and on our minds, keep us watching, maybe even until the season is nearly over. It would also be another opportunity for one of the many Type A personality GM's to show everyone who is really in control.

And again, as I will add to every Miles-gate post from now on, this is all the fault of your Portland Trailblazers. I ask you to accept this if you have not already.

Portland off the hook for Miles-gate e-mail

The League is saying that they won't fine the Blazers for that ridiculous e-mail:

"We don't plan to do anything to the Blazers," NBA president of league and basketball operations Joel Litvin told ESPN.com Tuesday after it was revealed that the league office had foiled an attempt by Portland to claim Miles off waivers with the intent of stashing him on their inactive roster for the rest of the season.

I guess the humiliation is enough. I hope the Grizz play Miles soon so this can be put to rest. Then again, if they really want to stick it to the Blazers, it would be sort of hilarious if they didn't play Big Pun until the final minutes of the final game of the season.

Another Darius Miles Update, unfortunately

I suppose you have heard by now, but I feel some obligation to mention the latest on Miles-gate:

Before the Portland Trail Blazers resorted to a threatening email to frighten rival NBA teams from signing Darius Miles, team officials late last week made a brazen bid to claim the forward off waivers only to be stopped by the league, multiple front-office sources told Yahoo! Sports.

So how fine is the line between a crafty, confident front office and one that feels it can bend and break rules to get what it wants? The League Office could have the final say on which side the Blazers fall on this particular series of unfortunate events.

(Assist Blaze of Love.)

Darius Miles Update, can't stop won't stop

The latest tid bits on Miles-gate can be found over at the Weekend Dime:

Most teams I've spoken to expect the Blazers to face some sort of heavy fine from the league office -- in addition to whatever legal problems they might have created for themselves -- for what was widely perceived to be a threatening (and unprecedented) e-mail to 29 teams about staying away from signing Darius Miles. But I'm not so sure.

[Slice]

It also didn't surprise anyone who knows Grizzlies owner Michael Heisley that Memphis re-signed Miles to a 10-day contract soon after he cleared waivers and barely 24 hours after the Blazers raised the possibility of legal action against any team that employs him.

"Heisley is the not the kind of guy who's going to be bullied," one GM said.

Uh huh. This could very well turn into the first Oopsie of the golden Blazer's front office. How's that aura of infallibility doin?

Grizz re-sign Darius Miles, naturally

The Memphis Grizzlies were so scared of Portland's e-mail threats they up and signed Big Pun pretty much immediately.

Many people who run sports teams are Type A personalities. When you tell somebody like that they can't do something, chances are they will just to prove that you don't control them. If Memphis didn't sign Miles, I'm sure somebody else would have. Maybe that wouldn't have happened if the e-mail didn't go out.

Miles will likely play the required two games and his salary will go back on Portland's books. It will make things a little tighter, but Portland already has the talent. In all this, don't forget it was Portland's fault. Hang the blame on Paul Allen for craving Miles in the first place and giving him the contract. And put it on the front office for pulling a shady move declaring Miles medically unable to play when he clearly can.

(Assist to Blaze of Love.)

Darius Miles waived by Memphis, team continues to sign players just for fun

As you have probably heard, Darius Miles has been waived by the Grizzlies. While Memphis cut him before his contract would become guaranteed, the experience wasn't a total loss for Miles. His brief Memphis career was long enough for him to serve his 10 game diet pills suspension, so if another team signs him he will be available to play immediately. Of course, if he couldn't cut it on Memphis I'm not sure teams are beating down his door.

The moved initially seemed to be done to make room for Shaun Livingston, who the Heat traded to Memphis for a second round pick. Then the Grizz waived Livingston. They would have just wasted the pick anyways.

Darius Miles signs with Memphis, soul-mate Z-Bo kind of has his back

In case you missed all the excitement, the Memphis Grizzlies indeed signed Darius Miles to a non-guaranteed contract. Now that he is on a roster Miles will begin serving his ten game (!) diet-pills suspension and be eligible to begin playing January 4th. After that the Grizz have until January 7 to decide whether or not to guarantee his contract. If they do, the countdown to Blazer ramifications will begin.

Put Darius on a team with a bunch of young talent, great idea. This will end well.

There really are quite a few sources chiming in on this, which is sort of surprising. My favorite so far is from HoopsWorld, who got some perspective on the signing from Zach Randolph. Naturally. Anywho, it features my favorite quote on the topic so far:

"Yeah. Kind of," Randolph said when asked if Miles is misunderstood.

So awesome.

KP & Big Pun

As you can see from the new logo up top, I am easily entertained. That picture of Kevin Pritchard is still funny to me, so I figured I needed to repurpose it. Naturally, I had to involve the infamous Darius Miles' car photo. Man I wish this really happened (click to enlarge):

Think about it Mr. Pritchard, think about it.

Definitive outline of Darius Miles ramifications

I have written about Big Pun far more than I ever anticipated. Since being dismissed by the C's, we have heard very little of other franchises expressing interest in his services. This is good, but it is still early. Right now Miles could be attractive to a team as a low risk gamble. Any team that plays him 10 games would get the added bonus of making Portland's fiscal flexibility a little more tricky. Oh the drama.

Over at TrueHoop there is a definitive outline of how Miles playing and not playing will impact the Blazers. Check it out. I'm going to bookmark that sucker. It will come in handy, although I am saddened by a hypothetical scenario of how the Blazers could get $32 million under the cap if Miles doesn't play:

They could get as far as $32 million under if they renounce all free agents, Surrey U.K.'s Joel Freeland, Petteri Koponen, and trade their 2009 #1 draft pick.

Cutting The Finnagler loose would mean this blog would lose the support of Finland forever, which would be a terrible shame. We have ties to the Invisible Finnish Hand for crying out loud. And Joel? We love Mr. Freeland and respect his talent and work ethic. Plus he was the only Blazer related person ever to actually talk to us. For this he is eternally in the DeceptivelyQuick hall of fame, which doesn't exist but would have him in it if it did. Guaranteed. Stupid hypothetical situations, how you anger me.

Darius Miles waived, donks vanishing into the sunset

This morning I flipped on ESPN just as the NBA crawl began. The first bit of news to scroll across the screen was that Darius Miles had been released by the Boston Celtics. As a Blazer fan, of course I appreciate that this means the contract of D.Miles will not go back on the Blazer's books. There is also a petty side of my person where residue from the frustration that was the Darius in Portland Experience lives. This side of me smiles when it hears news of this sort.

But really, Miles was well known to be an underachieving malcontent when Paul Allen agreed to pay him that fat contract. Maybe it was Rip City that was out of line for expecting 48 million dollars and 48 million expectations to change this man.

I have had quite a bit of fun at the expense of Mr. Miles. It has been therapeutic. I know him being out of the league helps the Blazers and tickles my pettiness, but there is a sliver of me that is still captivated by the Darius Miles story. I was intrigued by the idea of him coming off the bench for the Boston Celtics. I will eagerly be checking HoopsHype to see if another team takes a low cost/low risk gamble on signing Darius. If nobody in the League bites, I'm sure there are some European clubs that would be interested. Look out, Qyntel.

Darius Miles to Boston?

I've gotten a tip that sports radio has made mention of Boston signing Darius Miles. I have yet to see that news break online, but the Celtics have been rumored to be high on Big Pun as recently as late July.

If true, wow. There are reasons why this could or could not work, as usual it will largely hang on where Miles is with his, um, "attitude development."

Keep an eye out.


UPDATE: Good old Blazers Edge community member, nice work. Here's some Miles signing verification:

“Darius has been in twice for workouts with us and has impressed us with his progress, health, and attitude;” said Danny Ainge, Celtics Executive Director of Basketball Operations/General Manager. “Darius will have the next couple of months to prove to myself and Coach Rivers that he can help us win.”

Darius goes on to say he feels his personality fits well with the Celtics. Frightening. But whatever, Miles was a pretty low risk move by the C's, and I surmise that the strong alpha dog presence of Garnett will keep him professional. This will be interesting.

As far as Blazer ramifications, I've read that this means Miles salary will go back on the Blazers. I've also read they could possibly get out it. This all makes my head hurt, so I'll wait until someone else figures it out.

Darius Miles Comeback Update

I didn’t think I would be doing another Darius Miles post so soon. From SI.com (assist from this Blazers Edge thread), we get an update on Big Pun’s latest comeback attempt.

In recent weeks, Miles has had workouts -- ranging from two hours to less than 30 minutes -- with the Nets, Celtics, Suns and Mavericks, all of whom controlled the terms while asking Miles to compete against other players.

Further, the article reveals he is doing pretty well in at least some of these workouts. Reportedly, he is back to his physically capable self. When you learn he is seeking the minimum (you know, since he still has about $18 mil from Paul Allen coming to him), it starts to seem likely the 26 year old could very well be in the league this season.

Financially, a healthy Miles is an inexpensive gamble. It would be a judgment call on whether his attitude has improved enough to where he can become consistently beneficial to a team. A new outlook would be a pretty positive outcome from Miles recent tribulations. Conceivably, a veteran playoff team perhaps could rationalize that established alpha dogs on the team would keep Miles professional on the court and off.

On the other hand, it isn’t too hard to see that Miles attitude probably hasn’t made a complete turnaround:

"I've been on the good side, where everything is good for you -- fans, shoe commercials, movie deals, my jersey in the top five. Then I'm on that side where I'm just labeled this criminal, this thug, this bad guy -- 'He can't be coached.' I've been on both sides and it's funny, I don't know how I went from that side to this side. I don't have a [criminal] record. I don't do anything out of the ordinary. I never had problems with my teammates. It's crazy how you get labeled.''

Perhaps we should kindly refer Miles to his Wikipedia page to ease any confusion. He has never seemed all that self-aware. He seems to think the problems that derailed him from stardom are attributable to forces far beyond his own personal control.

Total enlightenment waved bye-bye long ago, so the question is if he has improved his attitude enough to be a consistent positive team member. If a team figures he is worth the risk, his salary would go back on the Blazer’s books (although they might be able to get out of this too-- salary cap stuff makes my head hurt). Obviously this wouldn’t be a good thing, but Portland is in pretty good shape future-wise regardless. That being the case, it would be compelling to see Miles return to the NBA. I bet you would be watching, too.

Darius Miles won't let you forget

Mr. Miles has presented us with another opportunity to give thanks that he has been extricated from Rip City: A 10 game drug suspension should he find NBA employment.

I was hoping to retire from Darius Miles jokes, but I can see he will not make such actions easy (the Darius Miles tag is entertaining). Everyone please start praying he ends up on the same Euro team as Qyntel Woods. That would be awesome.

Local fans and media will likely use this as another opportunity to throw some acid in the man's general direction. I maintain that anyone who tolerates douchey teens to the degree seen in the below video and doesn't punch somebody in the face is a better person than many:

Darius Miles with Bobcats in spirit

It really has been too long since last post. Call it a combination of "important" deadlines to meet and of having to endure so much Blazers pointguard talk that my immune system finally shut down in defense. If there were a Blazers blog emperor (Dave?), I would formally request this deity to order a week long stoppage on all Blazers pointguard speculation. Just long enough for us all to get a little sanity back. Naturally, I would sign this request with seppuku.

In any event, this post is about remembering friend of the blog Darius Miles. We haven't heard much from the guy since Blazers put the waiver process in motion. I admit an odd curiosity with seeing what he ends up doing and where he ends up doing it. When I saw this post at Deadspin, I got to thinking maybe Big Pun is trying to make a good first impression with Mr. Jordan.

Note to Larry Brown: I'm just making a dumb donk-related joke, don't combust. Wait until the season actually starts to do that.

2007-08 Regular season officially dunzo

Now that regular things are all finished, its time for the playoffs. It is gonna be crazy. It will also be crazy if I somehow manage to not ignore everything else in my life and avoid having my world crumble around me.

Outside of the playoffs, we can start cranking up the meaningless speculation on one Portland Trailblazers organization. Yahtzee.

On the draft front, Portland has one lottery spot and three (or more?) second round picks.

As far as player development, don't forget the team has The Finnagler and Joel Freeland still developing in Europe. Both are reportedly progressing well, we'll get a chance to see for ourselves during summer league. Odds are we won't see either one in the upcoming regular season, but the much drooled over Rudy Fernandez will probably be here.

Which leads into another interesting topic, roster spots. The NBA maximum is 15. The Blazers were full this season. Add Fernandez on for next season (I think they cleared his spot by waiving Big Pun). After that things get messy and speculative. According to HoopsHype, Blake, Wafer, and McRoberts are not under contract after this season. I'm not sure that Steve Blake contract is correct, as it was reported as a three year deal when he signed. Plan on him being here next season.

All of these factors are being juggled and you can bet KP and crew are discussing a whole mess of possibilities. Trades? Who stays? Who goes? Who arrives? Interesting times ahead.

Darius Miles Waived

What many thought was going to happen has taken a formal first step, the Blazers have requested waivers on Darius Miles. It really has been a masterfully executed effort by Blazers management to successfully keep Big Pun a safe distance away from the team's promising young talent all season. I've poked some fun at Darius (1 2) and am relieved as any Blazer fan to see this separation finally taking shape. Some of his problems have been his own fault, some have not. But keep in mind the guy largely responsible for the whole DMiles Blazers experience has been none other than Paul Allen. Honestly, anyone who can put up with this without punching a few teens in the face can't be that bad of a person.

About This Business of Sending Jack Off (HaHa!)

There has been a little stir lately since Mr. Windhorst wrote that "different league sources" have indicated Cleveland might be interested in Jarrett Jack. Not too long ago Henry Abbott listed teams that, according to his different league sources, were most likely to make a deal before the deadline. Portland was included. Kevin Pritchard keeps giving us the "we like our guys, we're still evaluating our guys, did I mention we like our guys?" line. Meanwhile, mathematics say that Portland will simply have to free up some roster spots either before the deadline or come summer time.

Mr. Abbott (aka H.Abb the AbBot, HoodyHoo!) makes the point that the trade value of many Blazers could be peaking with all this winning going on. Sounds reasonable. If Pritchard and his crafty crew can get a deal they're convinced is better than anything that will come along this summer, they'll surely take it.

It is no secret that a lot of Blazer fans are frustrated with Jack. Not only is he inconsistent and not a pointguard, he takes minutes from fan uber-favorite Sergio Rodriguez. People don't like that. I'll concede that Jack is not a crucial piece for the future of this franchise, but he is still valuable. First of all, his teammates love him. Secondly, he is the only player not named RoyBot that consistently takes the ball to the hoop. These are two very important things.

Those turnovers and bad decisions we see are strong evidence that this guy is no pointguard. Let's call him a "pure combo guard," his incompetence in this role remains exaggerated. A team like Cleveland is hurting for a good pointguard, and I would think they would know that Jack isn't going to help that.

True, he's sorta young and inexpensive. That said, KP might only want to do midseason meddling if it presents an opportunity to offload a burden. Think LaFrentz or even Miles (come on Isiah!). Remember, the organization loves all the guys who get minutes. They don't want to trade any of them, but at some point will probably have to. LaMiles is the only overpaid entity they really want to get rid of. Finding a boat big enough to ship them and their contracts out of town is probably high on the list.

Also consider that Portland is doing very well with a group of young players that are still developing, so why not see how the rest of the season develops before making any deals. Eh?

We all know its hard to be a content fan, but why not take this opportunity to attempt it?









Just kidding! That would be lame! Go Crazy!