Davis Cup Update, You CAN'T come

So, Davis Cup tickets went on sale at 10:00 AM this morning. As I was occupado, DeceptivleyQuick Operative Brrrrrrrrrrr! was standing by to purchase two of the $90 passes the exact second they went on sale. I was pumped. Then something bad happened. The following is a sequence of text messages I received from Brrrrrrrrrrrr!:

Time: 10:01 AM
im buyin tix son!
Kaaa!

Time: 10:13 AM
demand is high! I been queued at the tix page 4 ten mins already!

Time: 10:33 AM
its sayin they sold out!

And there it is. Subsequent calls and link clicking were met with ice cold blocks that any hot girl's fat friend would be proud of. Last weekend I wrote something about liking the fact that the event would be at the Memorial Coliseum. You know, the smaller space would make the crowd more lively and we would all be given a decent view of the action. This outcome didn't occur to me.

We're still looking for a way in. Connections are being contacted, but this is a very hot ticket. The scalper route is likely to prove beyond DeceptivelyQuick's budget. If you have ANY leads, please contact me. I'll give you...something we can work out. Not that. Or that. Freak.