Game 6: Spencer The Sweetpotato is ready

We may be pushing our luck a bit here, but it is hard to posses a power as mighty as Spencer The Sweetpotato and remain idle in these must-win situations. If you need a refresher, understand that this very unpopular DeceptivelyQuick intern/mascot was responsible for Portland's Game 5 win. Now he's up again. Behold the game-changer:



Whether Portland wins or loses this series, I think that the time for Spencer to become one with that big holiday pie in the sky is growing near. However, a series win would not go unrewarded. Such an accomplishment would undoubtedly earn Spencer The Sweetpotato a special place on The DeceptivelyQuick JPEG Banner of Honor. Right up there next to Kevin Pritchard, close enough to be blinded by his D.Miles necklace. Don't miss this opportunity, Spence. Immortality awaits. Go Blazers.

Dear Rip City, Stop thinking about Oden. I can help.

There was a time when thinking about Oden was a widely accepted way of improving one's mood. Thinking of the man now doesn't quite have the same effect. I think at this time it would be appropriate for Kevin Pritchard to address the public on the dangers of Odenizing. Serious negative health consequences are a real possibility. We need to issue a moratorium on all Odenizing until he becomes the dominant force we have been hoping for.

Oden's latest injury (he is out 2-4 weeks, in case you've been living under a sagenite pseudomorph) was also terrible with its potential to cause a Rip City panic. I admit, Oden going down so soon, at a time when the lights were so bright, has given even my dog night terrors. It is the kind of news both local and national media dream of. The coverage has been inescapable.

Yesterday brought the most non-True Hoop-day views ever for DeceptivelyQuick. The masses are hungry for depressing Oden crazy talk. Things will remain this way, at least in Rip City, until Oden proves he can stay healthy and produce.

I thought maybe I should stoke that fire, give the people what they want, and keep the traffic up. Maybe I could write something crazy comparing Oden to Sam Bowie. (Another.) Then I remembered that if a million people stop by I make the same amount of money as if the lone viewer is former-intern and current super fan Spencer SweetPotato. Zero.

So instead of exploiting your fear, I want to help. Please read the following tips for avoiding depressing Oden stuff and apply to your daily life. I feel better already.

- Replace your Oden youtube searches with searches for Stig Dogg (H.T. recommends this one.)
- When you are reading a Blazers article online, hit Ctrl+F, type in "Bowie", and hit Enter. If it finds anything, stop reading. Throw your computer out the window.
- Read a book, its FREE.
- Think about how great Rudy Fernandez looked in the opener. Hey remember this! (And try not to think about this.)
- Read Mike Barrett's blog. He works for the Blazers, and shameless homerism is in the job description. No bad news allowed! Perfect!
- Try to figure this out.
- Laugh at the foolishness of Andrew Bynum. Actually, you know what, I could see Oden breaking his wrist attempting that. Now I'm depressed again. Damn.

Draft Lottery: Creepin in the minivan

My lazy playoff enjoyment was interrupted today by the realization that the NBA Draft Lottery is nearly upon us. I remain a very loyal fan of this. I thank the League every year around this time for applying the law of large numbers probability to a small individual set of random drawings. Last season, obviously this worked out as Portland cashed in a 5.3% of getting the top pick. This time around the odds of that big uno have shrunk to 6/1,000, but the beauty of the system means our chances of seeing some sort of "unlikely" shit are pretty decent.

If your team isn't in the playoffs, this event really is the jumpstart to all bullshitting you will be doing in the coming months. Jackpot. Oh yes, summer is DeceptivelyQuick time. It is when better more popular places lose interest, so folks obsessed with wasting time at work have no choice but to come here and read 3,000 words on how Taurean Green rocked a summer league game. Some of the more hardcore of you might be happy to hear we've hired on former intern Spencer Sweetpotato full time (minus health insurance) in preparation for the busy season. Delicious.

Koponen! Akeem Scott! More from Finland!

Seriously, what kind of NBA blog posts updates from Finland when the playoffs are in full swing here in the States? One that has a sweetpotato as a mascot.

BlueForest chimed in and reduced my fears of The Finnagler being snared in a Joel Freeland-like horrible situation with a Euro team next year. BlueForest (I assume forests are blue in Finland) assured me Koponen has enough support with enough people to avoid the situation of a horrible buy-out clause and limited minutes/development. Whew.

H.T. also sent along a nice recap of the Espoo championship game that featured a surprise injured-Koponen appearance and chants of "Who the fuck is Akeem Scott?!?" He also sent along some nice video documentation. Watch as Akeem Scott breaks out a celebratory Bird, Koponen drops someone with a crossover, and good times are had by all.

Yep,

it was a storybook ending.

Petteri Koponen broke his thumb in Finnish league semifinals. Honka Playboys
coach Mihailo Pavicevic had no other possibilities but to enter Koponen's
substitute PG, Akeem Scott, into starting line-up for the finals.

Akeem struggled with playmaking but showed incredible confidence, turning
two of four final series games into Honka victories with some last minute
heroics. Akeem scored Honka's last seven points in 70-68 game two victory
and scored a grand total of 36 points in deciding game 4, including a
running jumper with three seconds remaining which gave Honka 72-71 lead and a W.

But even Koponen got his share of shine in the finals. When Akeem Scott got
his fourth foul with eight minutes remaining in game 4, coach Pavicevic
entered injured Koponen. Koponen hadn't been able to practice in two weeks
because of the thumb but his presence was needed: Koponen stabilized Honka's
offence and gave Akeem a couple minute breather before the nitro ending.

Honka had a great opportunity to win the championship in game 3, but Kouvot
took a 67-66 lead with Corey Smith's low post basket with four seconds
remaining and Akeem Scott travelled in Honka's last possession. In game 4,
Akeem truly showed what he was made of and more than made up for his game 3
flaw.

Throughout game 4, Kouvot fans harassed Akeem chanting: "Who the f*** is
Akeem Scott, Akeem Scott, Akeem Scott / Who't the f*** is Akeem Scott, he's
a loser", but as you can see, Kouvot fans should've been more careful with
their words..

"Who the f... is Akeem Scott? He's a winner!"


H.T

Petteri Koponen still Finnaglin

It has been an unusually long time since DeceptivelyQuick has provided any updates from Finland. In fact, our blog mascot/intern Spencer SweetPotato even began commenting that lately it hasn't smelled of salmon much around the office. We were just happy he shutup about the benefits of sweetpotatos for a minute. Anyways, lack of Finland coverage is bad news, extensive market research has shown that capturing that elusive Finnish basketball enthusiast demographic is critical to the success of DeceptivelyQuick.

Luckily, Official Invisible Finnish Hand Contact H.T. has saved us. Make sure to check out his great Petteri Koponen update over at BlazersEdge. Sounds like the young Finnagler is making progress, can't wait to see him again in summer league.

Losing Finland

The Holidays are about family, and recently a cousin of DeceptivelyQuick has been coming around less and less. That empty place at the table is difficult to ignore, and we're getting the feeling Finland's "maybe I'll be able to make it" was just a polite "no."

For much of the existence of this blog, Finland has been there. There were days when our kindly maildeliver-er Mr. Lumpkin would complain because hauling all the fanmail from Finland was hurting his back, plus it was "really cold" and often "smelled of fish." Mr. Lumpkin has been happier lately, as our Finnish support has dropped to an all-time low.

But why? Some believe our newly elected mascot Spencer the SweetPotato has failed to connect with the crucial young male Finnish demographic. It only loudens the criticism that we should have gone with our first choice, Finnish rap superstar Stig Dogg. Although we can't disclose the specifics of financial matters, Stig wanted more humpbacked perch than we can provide at this point. Spencer works only for the opportunity to spread the faith of how delicious and healthy sweet potato's really are.

As if this weren't enough, as we watched the Petteri Koponen's DeceptivelyQuick approved nickname "The Finnagler" gain traction, it has apparently vanished from his wikipedia and thus, from the lexicon of relevance.

The Invisible Finnish Hand can be cold indeed.