Sunday, February 1, 2009

Mandatory Super Bowl Entry: Steve Patterson is where? Doing what?

"The booty. It''s...beautiful."

We can never be certain that Steve Patterson was actually such a greasy weasel executive. But we can be confident that he gave us the impression that he was, time and time again.

His job with the Blazers was not easy; it was Patterson that was in charge of digging the franchise out of that stinking pile of Whitsitt. It is not hard to appreciate the thankless nature of such duties. Whitsitt at least got to win a lot of games and make deep playoff runs with his teams. The problem was that those rosters happened to be full of expensive, combustible, and non-sustainable talent. Enter Patterson.

The team lost a lot of games in his time, true, but if his primary goal was to slash payroll and get the team positioned for a successful future, he did his job. He endured the sort of heat that winning prevented Whitsitt from rightfully taking.

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel that bad for Patterson. He took the George W. Bush approach to dealing with the media and anybody else with opinions other than his own. He frustrated a lot of media people and insulted the intelligence of the fans on a pretty regular basis. When it came to cutting payroll, Patterson might have been competent enough. When you consider things like relating to others and providing leadership, the man was so terrible it hurt. I touched my wallet every time I saw him smile on TV, just to make sure it was still there.

So why am I drudging up memories of these painful times on such an important American Holiday? Because it all came flooding back to me after reading Canzano's latest article. John was (hilariously) attending Kim Kardashian's Super Bowl Party. While he was leaving, this happened:
At the Kardashian bash, I was looking for an exit and found myself squishing past the dancers, and the tiny dresses, and the Cirque performers were juggling hula-hoops with their feet on a stage. And just before I broke into the clear, I passed next to a tall gentleman with wavy hair who was passing through the crowd, bopping his head to the thumping house music.

The sight stopped me cold.

It was ex-Blazers President Steve Patterson.

Whaaaaaat?!? How is that for an image difficult to construct in your mind? I suspect I will need to revisit this at some point. As of now I'm off to begin my over eating.

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